Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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