why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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