i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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