dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize