My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
