he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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