the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
