LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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