The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
