i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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