Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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