omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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