jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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