Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
