Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
