dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize