My brain says no but my pants say off.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
