We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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