Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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