look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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