Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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