i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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