When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
