I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
