if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We need a shit load of segways right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
