Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
