You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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