Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize