...so i touched it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
