I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
