He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
