We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were trust falling into bushes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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