I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
