Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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