you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize