Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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