we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
