Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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