You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I need to calm my uterus...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
