He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
