My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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