i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
