they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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