last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
