Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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