i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
