So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
