no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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