it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
