I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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