I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize