So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
