Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
