Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
