You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There r osticjed everywhere
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
