Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
