yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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