saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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