omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
