Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
